Well yay, I DID NOT have a stroke! Gawd...

Happy Saturday friends!

2025 just keeps giving. I had a crazy week since I last wrote and the short version is: I didn't have a stroke. 

YAY! 

On Sunday I woke up feeling a little off. Stressed. Tightness in my chest. Didn't know why. After doing morning chores in the nasty heat, making breakfast and eating half that breakfast I had what we call here on the farm a "choke episode." In the horse world choke is:

In horses, "choke" refers to an obstruction of the esophagus, the tube that carries food from the mouth to the stomach. While the horse (and me!) can still breathe, this blockage can be serious and requires prompt attention. 

I repeat, I can breathe during this whole thing, there is just a horrible, painful lump in the center of my chest.

If you have a sliding hiatal hernia like me, the top part of your stomach can sometimes get pinched by the diaphragm, food goes down until suddenly it doesn't. I've learned over time: small bites, water between each bite, and if I feel the beginnings of that horrible sensation, I've learned to do certain stretches and deep breathing that help everything slide back into place. I haven't had a full blown situation in probably a year, until last Sunday. It only lasted maybe 5 minutes until I cleared it but the esophageal spasms are really painful. Ugh. I KNOW I'm not having a heart attack but damn does it feel like it. 

While all this was happening my Visible tracker/app was showing me in real time that my heart was racing. Once it cleared, I took tiny bites, finished my breakfast and vitamins, stood up and had (I realized much later) a big ol' panic attack. 

(Hold please while I go take some Ativan. I can feel my body getting worked up even writing about it!)

Unfortunately I didn't know it was a panic attack. Something was wrong, my chest was killing me. I walked back to Brad's room and said, "Something is wrong." and laid down on his bed. I suddenly didn't remember the morning. What in the world? I asked if we had done chores. That freaked him out (he later said I was asking the same questions over and over, like I had a concussion). I remembered making breakfast, eating, the choke episode, but then nothing after that. ManChild came in and I had him check on my breakfast, he informed me that it was gone. I figured Lucy must have snatched it. 

Certain memories were just...GONE. That was terrifying. We all immediately thought stroke. Brad called 911 and I got to have my very first ride in an ambulance. And I was a-okay with it. SO not me. I don't do mainstream medical care lol. 

In the ER they hooked me up and did an EKG, some blood work, did the stroke testing (stick out your tongue, smile, muscle testing, etc), CT scan with contrast (that's a weird feeling) I was fine. After about 4 hours they decided I needed to stay overnight and get an MRI and heart ultrasound on Monday. Yep. I was a-okay with that too. I've never stayed in a hospital overnight as a patient. As scared as I was, I was happy to be in a place where they could help me if I needed it. 

By that point I had remembered eating the rest of my breakfast but was still missing the period of time I went to Brad's room. I was calm and I felt just fine. They put me in a room, I ordered and ate dinner (did you know Rex wins awards for their hospital food? I was in Rex Holly Springs and it was nice, new, people were great), took a shower. In the shower I started feeling off again. Again, couldn't place what was wrong. Got back in bed. Brad and ManChild had come back to bring me jammies etc and I had asked ManChild to come back so he could see I was okay. Except I suddenly wasn't (NOT what I wanted him to see.) Brad, the nurse, and I were talking about it: was it because I ate and it was a trigger to what happened before? What in the world was going on? My blood pressure was 159/93 and it's normally 120/70 or below.

I was WIGGED OUT.

My body finally settled down a bit and the boys ran out to get something to eat. I called my brother and the first thing he said (as an empath) was, "Take an Ativan. I can FEEL your panic attack through the phone!" I did. Through a long conversation—I am such a verbal processor—we figured out: these were panic attacks. I asked him to look up whether short term memory loss could happen with panic attacks, yep, pretty common actually! By that point the Ativan had kicked in and I was again back to normal. No more chest pain, BP back to normal. And my memory was fully back. I think the morning choke episode triggered a big panic attack. I'm thankful for the second one in the hospital so I could finally recognize that when I woke up that morning I was already starting to feel the beginnings of one before I even went out to do morning chores. It all actually came together pretty neatly, how often does that happen?

I started having daily (and most of the day) panic attacks back when our daughter with Reactive Attachment Disorder was home. They were of the I-can't-take-a-deep-breath-super-anxious variety. I went years with those before I knew what they were. I started having this other kind, the my-chest-hurts-and-I'm-goind-to-die variety when we moved here, not very often, maybe a couple times a year. On the surface I think: I have no idea why! But then I quickly move to: Mom was sick and died, my heart mare Rayn died, Mom's sister Katy got sick and died, house fire and those are only some of the biggies. I don't share them all. So! Yeah. Panic attacks are understandable. When I've had this bigger kind I tell myself: Ok, if Ativan doesn't fix it, I'm going to the hospital. Luckily, it's always fixed it. (It sounds like I take it all the time but my prescription expires before I've even been through 5 of the 30 they give me at a time!)

The next day the MRI came back normal and they decided that I didn't need a heart ultrasound and I was released. My doctor said I had Transient Global Amnesia. Which means temporary short term memory loss and they don't know why. Thank God my brother and I figured out what was going on because that diagnosis alone would have really freaked me out!

All of this to say:

1. Panic attacks with short term memory loss are common.

2. I wish I had listened to my Inner Voice! She's been telling me to do more often and consistent neurofeedback and I was busy and didn't listen! GAH! So, I'm back to that and I know that will help SO MUCH! If you're a anxious person, come try some neurofeedback!

THE RANCH:

I've enabled online booking! You can schedule time with me (neurofeedback, coaching, art classes, etc) with a click of a button!

I found this precious photo in a pile of Mom's stuff, me at the beach in southern California as an 8 year old with my Peter Pan hair. I imagine my Aunt Katy took it:

Meow Meow came to visit me this week, rubbing all over me while I sat on the driveway with her. Such a sweetheart. Then she walked off and rolled around on the ground but I'm too smart to fall for the, "Really, come rub my belly, I promise I won't shred your hand" thing:

I love when I find a heart shaped horse footprint:

Wynter is doing great in California with Katie but says he'd like more clients. My herd says the same!

I had a Charlotte's Web moment this week in the corner of the goat barn. No words were spelled out in it though:

I found a dead and mauled copperhead snake yesterday. I wonder if Meow Meow brought it to us? If so, I hope she's okay! The telltale brown Hershey kiss marks are very noticeable:

SOMETHING FUN!

I found something fun that I didn't know you could do, did you? You can make your own emojis (they call them stickers) with either your own photos or ask ChatGPT to use your photo and create a cartoon from it and then use that as an emoji! Here's how on an iPhone:

1. Open ChatGPT app, it's free
2. Click the + button at bottom and choose a photo
3. Ask it to create a cartoon or an emoji out of it. I like the cartoon versions more than the emoji versions.
4. When it's done and you have the image, click on it and push Save. It drops it in your Photos
5. Find the image in Photos, Touch and hold and a white line zips around the image and then a menu pops up above it that says ADD STICKER
6. Now it's in your emoji area in your text app!

Here are a few I asked it to make. My brother's cute Papillion puppy Penelope of course:

When it puts it into the emoji/sticker section it takes away the backgrounds so it's just the dog while these show the whole pic:

The ponies:

This one cracked me up, I gave it the story of the above pic and look how it created it! The bucket is a little wonkey yes but still cute. Cash with her closed eyes: I have food and you don't, haha! And the wide eyes and smiles of the ponies who want it:

THE MEMES:

Useful but sad that this is a thing that has to be done:

For those like me, who need to know when to start masking again so our long covid doesn't get longer and worse:

I saw this 👇🏽 and laughed! When we first moved to NC we took a trip somewhere and had a layover in Louisana. We got off the plane on the tarmack like it was 1940 and the heat and humidity hit us like an oven. A crematorium oven:

Actually I like Monopoly! But I like most games...

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Remember you can schedule online now for these things and more, click here!

THINGS TO DO AT THE RANCH THIS SUMMER:

August/September Women's Circle is 6 weeks: Aug 20 and 27, Sept 3, 10, 17, 24. Call, email, or text me if you'd like to join!

Art Classes! Give me a text/call, I’d love to help you plan something fun! I'm envisioning this as a fun thing to do with your coffee group, friend/family group, female work friends, book club, bible study, etc. I can take a group of 9 women. Fun and easy watercolor that I walk you through step by step, and we can snuggle the mini ponies, mini donkeys, and goats, or even take the ponies or donkeys for a walk in the woods if the group is interested :-) Call, email, or text me, and I'll cater it to your group!

Equine Gestalt Coaching Sessions (these are private emotional wellness sessions for YOU not your horse ;-))

NeurOptimal Neurofeedback (keeping your mental and physical self healthy without having to dig deep like in a coaching session—as a matter of fact, you can read, write, or even nap during the session!)

If you'd like to talk about some of these, please email, text, or call me!

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The Mother Ranch on YouTube.

The Mother Ranch art on Substack.

Thank you for reading :-)

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