The Power of Compassionate Listening

May 25, 2024
 

When I was in my two year coaching program, we did something called a Listening Exercise. I did them several times and it was always an interesting experiment. The idea is that you and your partner have a 10 minute call at the same time every day for a couple of weeks. You swap who is speaking each session. We were instructed that the listener wasn’t supposed to say anything, not even, “Uh-huh.” That was really hard, both as listener and as speaker. It didn’t and still doesn’t make sense to me.

I wondered if the “uh-huhs” were a result of people pleasing but I decided no—in my mind, listening is active and nodding along or making soft, sympathetic sounds is what we do in society to help the other person show that we are indeed following what they are saying. Otherwise the speaker is speaking into a vacuum, especially on the phone when you can’t see each other.

What I found as this experiment went on, was that active listening usually returned for both sides but commenting and questioning did not and in the end, I think that was the main goal anyway. Being able to speak without being interrupted by questions or comments—it’s a powerful gift.

Compassionate listening is the first gift I ask that women give each other during the opening of a Women’s Circle. Later we head inside for food and artwork and that’s when normal conversation flows but the first hour or so is key for the women to feel seen and heard and it makes such a difference in the feel of the group.

Last Saturday’s Women’s Circle was amazing! I haven’t created one of these since 2019, pre-covid, in Colorado so it’s been a while. At the beginning of the week, I found myself with a lot of nerves and uncertainty, even after I had created the artwork that we would be making, so I headed out to the animals. Baby goats in my lap got me out of my head. Watching my herd of girl goats had me thinking about friendships and how important they are. Watching the herd matriarch, Snickers, babysit and protect her best friend Dancer's babies made me think of how incredible women are when we come together. Then, in the dark, I went out to the horses and donkeys. Each one had something to say about this upcoming group but it was Rayn who stood quietly next to me, that helped all of that info become integrated.

Rayn has been my constant for many years now. Most people don’t get to experience the power of this girl since she mostly doesn’t work physically with clients. The donkeys are very physical in their work, both clear chakras and moved around our bodies as they work. Wynter uses his nose to point to places of pain and also just exudes love out of his pores. But Rayn’s work is quiet and she almost always partners just with me to help me work with clients.

I didn’t know about this phenomenon until I had my own ranch. My mentor had horses that seemed to want to work with everyone. Eventually as I got to know other coaches like me, I found that there is sometimes one horse that is there just for the coach—like a bridge I suppose. Rayn often passes on info that I use in sessions. Her communication to me is mostly auditory, as in, I hear her “voice” in my head. Sometimes it’s just a word, sometimes a whole conversation. I just have to get quiet and still and listen.

The night I was out there before the first Women’s Circle, it was very dark and I was walking among the horses and donkeys and not standing still, touching everyone and talking. I went to Rayn who was standing like a statue, looking into the forest. I stood close by her shoulder and she gave me some side eye. As I said, we've been together for a long time so I know what her body language means. I took a step sideways away from her. She turned her head toward me and flicked her ear at me, I took another step sideways away from her and she turned back to looking out at the forest so I followed suit.

Ok, as I am writing this, I’m laughing! She is the only female equine out there so it was our own little Women’s Circle! First, she set the stage for safety, then for silence on my part so she could speak and I could really listen with my whole being. That’s when the download began, what things she felt this group needed as a whole. Eventually when she was done, I thanked her and went back inside to mesh her info with my coaching knowledge and I knew the general path this first group would take.

So, you see, it all starts with listening, for all of us :-)  And the point of all that was to say, there were a lot of comments flying around at the end about how amazing it was to be actually heard.

If you’re interested in joining a Women’s Circle, email me!

I'm also considering offering some options for one day "taster sessions" so you can get the feel for it and see if it might be for you. You can email me about that too if you're interested!

Last Friday, clean and all set up outside, waiting for the first session!

All set up for the art portion in my very unused dining room (so I might as well use it for art right?)

This made me laugh:

The Ranch:

Parsley and Rosemary are getting big fast! They are sturdy little creatures, good thing too because they are fearless and jumping off things not in a straight down fashion as one would expect but way up and out! I watched Rosemary leap off the seat of our golf cart the other day which should have been a 2.5 ft drop down but no! She turned it into a jump where she was four feet in the air! About gave me a heart attack!

I no longer have to worry about them being so tiny that they could drown in a water bucket:

Parsley, the smaller one, was leaping about about a week ago and ended up right in a water bucket like this so she's proven it to me. When they are tiny we hang the buckets up high enough that they can't accidentally get in them. Dancer is already starting to wean them just a little, not standing still at every moment they come in for a drink. Some babies nurse until they are several months old, some catch slurps at 6 months old, some are weaned early. Looks like Dancer might wean them on the earlier side.

I forgot to introduce the babies to the area where I was holding the Women's Circle last Saturday so they were more curious about their surroundings than the people. I fixed that this week! I kept trying to get pics of them but it seemed photos like these dominated my phone, the little monkeys have a hard time staying still!

They jump off everything with such force that they knock stuff over:

Unless of course they are planning a sneak attack:

I've stopped allowing them on my head but they still really, REALLY want to:

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It was a week of snakes here. These are two separate non-venomous black snakes or maybe black racers. I've not ever seen a snake climb brick before! Two stories up, a bird of some sort built a nest on the tiny ledge above that window. I'm guessing it must be a barn swallow by the mud looking nest. We wondered if the snake was trying to find a way to it?:

This one was much larger!

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During storms this time of year, all kinds of nest beginnings fly out of the trees. Many of them start with horse tail hair:

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It's so weird to find really large birds with long legs doing things like a little bird. This is a huge Blue Heron. They often fly up into the pine trees and just stand around. I didn't know this about them until we moved here. I found him perched on the closer horse fence. They are very skittish and don't allow close ups, so unless I happen to have my big camera out, I can only get pics like this:

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The gardenias have started to bloom! The smell! Swoon-worthy:

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Ok, so I figured out that the best way to propagate my very old, third generation African Violet that I inherited from Mom and she inherited from her mom: put in water until it grows just a few tiny roots, just the beginnings, then transfer it to soil. Wait a million years (close to a year) and this happens. This is the strongest baby I've had so far—I'm so pleased!

So sweet:

Memes:

I feel this! Size 10.5. You'd think I'd be 6' tall with shoes that big and not 5'7"πŸ™„

 

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Thinking about starting or continuing the journey of self discovery? Let's talk!

Click each link for more info:

Equine Gestalt Coaching Sessions ($125 for an hour)

NeurOptimal Neurofeedback ($70 for 45 min)

Reiki Sessions ($90 for an hour)

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Purchase originals and prints of my artwork, like this oneπŸ‘‡πŸ½

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