This moment. This moment. This moment.

Happy Saturday friends!

I ran across this poem again recently and wanted to share. It's the nicest way in the world to remember to breathe, to spend time being quiet, to remember to be in the moment. Remember how I Love Lucy told me the same thing last year?

my brain and
heart divorced

a decade ago

over who was

to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become

eventually,

they couldn’t be
in the same room
with each other

now my head and heart
share custody of me

I stay with my brain
during the week

and my heart
gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another
– instead, they give me
the same note to pass
to each other every week
and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:

“This is all your fault’

on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past

and on Wednesdays
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future

they blame each
other for the
state of my life

there’s been a lot
of yelling – and crying

so,

lately, I’ve been
spending a lot of
time with my gut
who serves as my
unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my rib cage

and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut’s plush leather chair
that’s always open for me

~ and just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up

last evening,
my gut asked me
if was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head

I nodded

I said I didn’t know
if could live with
either of them anymore

“my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,
I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

"I just can’t live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,’"
I sighed

my gut smiled and said:
"in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,"

I was confused
– the look on my face gave it away
“if you are exhausted about
your heart’s obsession with
the fixed past and your mind’s focus
on the uncertain future

your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out."

this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves

and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs

I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs

before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said

“what took you so long?"

by John Roedel

THE RANCH:

It's been kind of a quiet week on the ranch. I had only two moments of panic (a good week!)

Panic #1: When it looked like Dancer had an abscessed tooth/swelling. I wondered if a seed got stuck under her gum somewhere and we went inside to get dental picks etc but when we came back out—it was gone. Whaaat? I quickly realized she was just holding cud up in her jaw! Whew!

Panic #2: Rayn has a huge swelling between her right shoulder and her neck, easily the size of a football. My first thought was that the melanoma was catching up with her, and that could be. But then I realized it was probably a kick from Wynter. He pushes her off whatever hay bag she has chosen, I guess just to tell her he's boss. Or just walks around behind her, ears pinned, making her move. Ass. Horse dynamics suck. She occasionally has had enough and lashes out. He occasionally kicks back. I'm hoping that it's that.

But if it's not? Melanoma is a slow killer of grey horses like Rayn and Wynter. Wynter isn't showing signs but Raynie...she had a few signs before this horrendous event and then the melanoma accelerated. She and I talk about it occasionally. I always cry and she always puts her forehead on mine. She says that our relationship will be even stronger when she's on the other side and I say that's wonderful but I will miss her physical presence terribly. I hope it's not for a very long time.

This moment.

This moment.

All I have is this moment.

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I cooked something yummy this week and took not one single picture of it darn it! It's Loaded Cauliflower—if you like cauliflower and you like loaded baked potatoes, then this one is for you!

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Wynter is busily growing his winter mustache (even while Rayn is already starting to shed her coat):

I don't think it's as spectacular as last year's but it is still fun :-)

And as always, Little Man Sweetness wanted me to admire his fuzzy muzzle too:

When B-Rad and I were headed out to do chores one morning this week, we saw these white fluffy bits all over the dam:

What in the world were they? The Polar Bear is starting to shed but not that much. When we got closer, we remembered that we live in a jungle, and even though it's winter, it's really not that cold...

Those white blobs are mold growing on Canadian goose poop. Seriously. It was all over the manure pile too:

THE MEMES:

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