The Anxiety Within

Happy Saturday friends!

Let's first talk about the monks walking for peace! They are walking from Texas to DC. It won't be too much longer and they will be here, walking through our area. Will you be going? I will be! There is such a feeling of hope about them, don't you think? 

I've been keeping an eye on them through Facebook, videos of them walking (they go surprisingly fast) and their sweet dog Aloka.

Here are their links:

The main Facebook page

Aloka the Peace Dog Facebook page

And this is where you can find their live map, overview map, how to support them, and more!

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Neurofeedback clients often ask me, "How will I know when neurofeedback is making a difference?" (Click here and scroll down to read about that.)

But also, "How will I know when I need to come back?" And that's the piece I wanted to talk about.

There are two options, preventative care and coming when needed. I use both at various times. Right now is another "when needed" time and because of that, I got to wake up from a nightmare, fun :-/ One of those crazy, "OMG! My flight leaves in a little over an hour, I haven't showered or packed!" dreams. Ew. I finally woke up and immediately my mind spiraled into the various aches and pains in my body and jumped to its I-haven't-had-neurofeedback-in-awhile conclusion: I'm dying of cancer. Sigh. I mean, I get it, both Mom and Katy died from cancer, horrible. Both, for them, and for those of us left here. I can semi calm myself with thoughts of, "Well, at least I'd be there with them," but the anxiety quickly switches tactics and says, "Haha, relief? No, that's not for you. Let's think about how horrible it would be for Brad and ManChild and your brother! Ha! Take that! Oh! And what about all your animals! Ha!" (and on and on and on.)

Good GOD. I no longer feel shame about my brain doing that, and I get the logical "why" of it—from those deaths but also my upbringing—but, I'm often exhausted by my anxious brain and how it insists on operating. It makes me mad! Meds for anxiety would be the easiest route but with all the sensitivity in this bod, nope. So, neurofeedback it is. It works, and when I use it preventatively, stops all that nonsense in its tracks. Because I've always done it either every day or as needed (I struggle with all or nothing thinking), I don't actually know what the correct "dose" is for me. Every day works but what is the "minimum dose" I wonder? Maybe weekly...

That was quite a ramble. Onward.

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Brad and I started watching Stranger Things over the holiday break and quickly became hooked. Season 1 and 2 were super fun and nostalgic. Very 1980s, very ET. Season 3...I had to look away a lot, ick. The final episode of Season 3 felt like a remake of the epic Marvel movie Avengers: Infinity War. ManChild was 11 for that movie and of course we had to go but I came out feeling like I had been bludgeoned. Last night we started Season 4 (OMG!) and at the end I checked in with ChatGPT and it doesn't get more wholesome lol. So, the rest is a hard pass. That probably partially led to the crazy dreams. Chat put it this way: Season 1 and 2 were a Spielberg-esque adventure vibe (yay!) 

And then it said about Season 4 and 5: 

-If possession, bone-breaking, eye imagery, or helpless suffering are hard no’s for you—it may genuinely not be worth pushing through. (Ya think?!?)

-If you can tolerate selectively looking away or skipping the most intense scenes, you might be okay.

-Some episodes are much worse than Episode 1

OMG! Haaa! Definitely hard no for me thanks! Yikes! Oh well, seasons 1 and 2 were fun enough. Brad will have to tell me what happens to all the characters instead.

Growing up in some crazy ass churches, one of which had Mike Warnke come in and give his testimony about being a high priest in some satanist church before he found God, possession is always a big no for me. I can't imagine why I ran so fast and far from the church 🙄
(I do have to say, his stories about going from a druggie hippy to the military were really, really funny though)

A lot of you are extra sensitive beings too, I'm curious how many were able to get though Stranger Things?

THE RANCH:

A lone goose arrived on New Year's Day and while this is the year of the horse, I was curious what a goose signifies, spiritually speaking:

Loyalty and soul bonding: themes of enduring love, grief held with dignity, bonds that continue even after loss (hi Grandma, Mom, Katy :-))

Guardianship and watchfulness: themes of boundary keeping, announcing presence. 

Calling and being heard: themes of speaking even if your voice trembles, grief or truth needing sound

Since I work with women, I love these last two!

I had fun playing around with goose sketches this week:

And because I'm forever un-serious:

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A bit of a drizzle this week didn't deter Mama Dancer from her pumpkin treat! Crazy because goats will run for shelter at the first sign of rain, they absolutely hate it. I've never seen this before:

Even Sweetness wasn't willing to come out in the rain:

Speaking of donkeys, I found Jaffe with the feed pan loop around his neck again, which means he and Sweetness were rough housing 😂:

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Christmas stuff came down this week, just in time for the Women's Circle to restart. I'm always so happy to get it up and so happy to take it down again. Because of the house fire last year, we have a new tree, 9' tall. We usually take all the ornaments off and then wrap it in a sheet and store it in the attic. But with that super tall tree, it didn't quite fit the way Brad was expecting. I found him upstairs with the tree hanging in sections as if it were flowers drying from the rafters lol, it works:

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A sweet memory popped up, this little photo of a sick 6 year old ManChild with his friend Midgie. The fb caption read: The evening's Midge and ManChild pic. He was hyperventilating because he feels like crap—Midge jumped up behind him and he slowly calmed down. Of course a popsicle always helps :-)

Our dog friends are amazing! I Love Lucy always knows when "her" neuro clients need extra love and makes sure they get it.

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It's that time of year where the British Soldiers Lichen, Cladonia cristatella are fruiting again. They love old decaying wood. Apparently it's two organisms living together, a fungus and algae and they are a sign of clean air! Looks like a tiny fairy city...

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Brad and I took the golf cart up to the road to get the mail, when we came back, we stopped at the entrance to our driveway to talk about a new Mother Ranch sign as my current ones are starting to deteriorate. I looked down the drive at the horses and saw The Polar Bear, waaaay off, can you see her? I could barely see the two dark dots of her eyes, she was lying down but stretching up, watching us over top the lower fence rail:

Always watchful...

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Time to consolidate the manure piles and move the "cooked" pile to another spot so we can use it. Look how dark that dirt is, so rich!

Guess what I gave myself for Christmas this year? Pottery classes! I'm taking them at Piedmont Pottery in Fuquay on Fridays for the next few weeks. This is a basics class, pinch pots, coils pots, and slab pottery. I already love it. This is my first bowl from yesterday. I love its little feet. I asked about sculpture classes and was told that his wife might teach them at some point. In the meantime, I will continue with the basics. 

Years ago, on our Colorado farm, Brad and I were putting up a new gate with new posts. As the tractor auger was drilling down, it got stuck spinning and not drilling in a pocket of grey clay. I stood there watching it spinning round and round with my mind spinning just as fast, until boing! It hit me. I dug out a big chunk of that clay, took it inside and started slowly working my way through it, cleaning out the bits of sand, rocks, sticks, and grass until I was left with a huge mess and workable clay. I can't tell you how cool that was. I created this image of Rayn rising up from the earth with it. It's honestly one of my prize possessions:

It has never been fired, I'm sure with all the imperfections of raw clay like that, it would have blown up in a kiln, plus it's a solid chunk, not hollow. But even in all it's rawness, I love it so much. I'm looking forward to learning more in these classes!

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Someone had her 9th birthday this week! She and I celebrated with new toys and rotisserie chicken bits :-)

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And two more geese, just for fun:

I had to draw this one! Brad said he saw our lone goose flip itself over backwards, wiggle all around with it's feeties in the air, do a complete backwards somersault and pop back up! I wish I could have seen that!

Watch a pony video here!

THE MEMES:

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This is an AI-free newsletter! While I love to use AI to help me figure out a piece of software I don't understand, my intention is to use it to help me with the drudgery, never with writing, art, creation. All em dashes are intentional and mine, I was using them way before ChatGPT was a twinkle in Sam Altman's eye :-)

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Thank you for reading :-)

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