Happy Saturday friends!
On Thursday afternoon, I sat down at my desk to figure out my first Meditation with the Herd event of the year, yay! As I was debating on dates and weather, I found myself kind of anxious.
Huh. Weird. What was that about? Mulled that over a bit and found memories. Times in the past where I would pull out a paper calendar, and start planning the year. "Oooo, it would be fun to do x in the spring!" or "I really want to hold x next fall!" It was all fun and games and dreaming in the flow state until 2020. Boy did I have big plans for that year, business wise. Then covid, Mom's cancer diagnosis, the beginning stages of moving across the country back to North Carolina. Life went tumbling in a lot of directions and things haven't been quite the same since.
Ok, great, I found the waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop fear. Fine. I can do this. It's fine. I'm fine. Onward.
I created it all:
Meditation with the Herd
Saturday, October 10th, 2026
5:00-6:30pm
$15
Space is limited to 20 people.
And made the website page to go with it for details.
Yay! I did it and survived just fine.
Then I went downstairs and took Lucy out for a little walk. We were halfway down the driveway when that shoe drop thought popped up in a new way:
I'm happy therefore something bad will happen to me.
I was still walking along with Lucy and looked over at the upper pasture fence. The dark slats with the sunset dusk sky caught my eye. Pretty.
But the visual afterimage of the fence stayed in my upper peripheral vision. I blinked a few times and it didn't go away. Well that freaked me out and you know what that means. My mind went haywire.
"Am I having a stroke??"
Again I say, ew:
I turned around, trying to ignore the disorienting things my brain was doing and started TFT tapping: above one eye, cheekbone, collarbone. Got inside and had a smidgen of Ativan. As soon as I was in indoor lighting, the visual afterimage stopped and the anxiety calmed down.
I started doing some research and found the waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop phenomenon is what Brene Brown calls "Foreboding Joy" and here's what her research found: Foreboding joy is what we use as a preemptive strike against vulnerability. Whaaat? What do joy and vulnerability have to do with each other?
Well, sometimes we get to a certain age—might be younger or older, depending on life experiences—where our nervous system has learned that when good things happen, bad things follow. There is an ebb and flow in our human lives. We all know that both good and bad things happen to us all. But somewhere in our brains, we begin to equate the good and the bad. If this, then that.
Brene says that humans think that if we catastrophize first, we are protecting ourselves from being blindsided by loss.
Yes, exactly.
What we're actually doing though is robbing ourselves of joy in real time. Suffering in advance for something that may never happen.
Brene says that joy is the most vulnerable human emotion. More than grief and more than fear. If we are in grief, we are already in pain. Joy requires us to be fully open, present, trusting that good things are allowed to last, and that terrifies the nervous system that has learned otherwise.
The fix? A practice of in-the-moment gratitude. This is real, right now, and I am grateful—staying in the joy rather than fleeing it.
Ooooooooo, yes! I love this.
So, instead of letting a catastrophic thought spiral, we can pause and name what we're grateful for in that exact moment to anchor ourselves in what's actually happening.
So good. I will be doing this and will report back. I'll also be doing some extra neurofeedback!
THE RANCH
Remember last week when I wrote It Takes a Village, Part 3: Body Doubling? I'm pleased to report that we did household chores together and it went swimmingly. We've talked about things several times and he seems to be understanding what I'm saying and is really picking up the slack. Happy dance 🤸🏽♂️
•••
Last weekend we found a little mouse jumping up and down in one of the goat's water buckets. The water was just at a low enough level that it was surviving thank God. As much as I don't want mice around, I don't want to see them suffer!
Once it was out, it sat in the sun for the longest time, shivering and running its tiny hands along its face. I sat with it awhile and talked to it.
•••
Saturday Sept 12 was one of those special days in my life. Would have been Mom's 80th birthday. I found a Facebook memory from 2016 that said: Called my mom this morning and sang her the birthday song really loud. Ike and Onya joined in by barking. Our windows were open and all of a sudden one of the mini donkeys started braying too! Haaaaa!
It was the day that my mare Rayn came home in 2012. Both she and ManChild were 5 years old:
It was the day Jaffee came home in 2023, the year after Mom died. All in all, a really happy date :-):
•••
The leaves are just starting to change, thank God!
Speaking of fall, we painted fun little mushrooms this week during the Women's Circles:
•••
Little Boy Blu had a rock in his hoof:
And has been tender ever since. I am watching him. If things get worse over the weekend, or if they aren't a lot better by Monday, I'll call the vet. Fingers crossed and prayers said that he'll be okay!
I gave him banamine for pain yesterday and he let me do it, barely. Today I tried sneaking it into a piece of apple:
I cut out the center, squirt the banamine in, covered it back up with a sliver of apple:
Smart right? I gave him a piece of regular apple, gave everyone else a piece too so he could see that they were also enjoying it. Gave him this piece, and he was happily chewing on it. Just as I was pulling out another piece for him so he could wash the taste out of his mouth, he tossed his head, flinging a few tiny apple bits around. I tried the second normal bite and he walked away, very Eeyore looking saying, "You have ruined apples for me."
Oh bother.
•••
Guess what? OMG! So excited! I found guinea birds, finally! We pick them up this weekend, happy dance! So, this week, Brad bought and installed more panels for their pen. We are getting another set on Tuesday (yay Marketplace!) and will expand their pen to 5x10' and 7' tall. They have to stay inside the pen for 2-3 weeks so their little brains will understand that it is home and then we can let them loose on tick patrol! (Yes, we'll be fixing the bottom so they can't escape.)
What's next...? Ducks maybe?!
•••
And finally, some pretty, fluffy pampas. I love this time of year!
My one meme here, you'll have to sign up for the actual newsletter for more!
True story: We had a giant 4th of July party two weeks after we moved into this house. 20+ people. A bunch of kids racing around upstairs. Just an absolute zoo. I was sitting, calmly chatting with Mom, Aunt Katy, and my brother Michael when he looked over and said, "You're so laid back, are you on quaaludes???" 😂
(I knew I couldn't lean forward ;-))
HOW TO WORK WITH ME
Equine Partnered Coaching! With horses (early morning appointments in the summer), without horses, or online, your choice.
Neurofeedback Train your brain to calm and ease. The most common response I hear about
neurofeedback is, "I'm so much less reactive in my life!" It really does smooth out the sharp spikes. Super helpful if your world feels harsh and spiky right now. These appointments are in my climate controlled office.
Reiki Another way to facilitate relaxation, calm, healing. If the weather is nice, you can choose outside in the herd (this is an early morningappointment) and of course in my office is always available :-)
And Women's Circles! I've updated my website yet again so read up and then contact me if you want to talk about joining a Women's Circle!
Wednesday Women's Circle has a waiting list, I will add you to it if you'd like. Newer people do indeed get in occasionally, as sometimes the people higher on the list end up with upcoming vacations, too busy at work, or just life is life-ing.
Tuesday Women's Circle, runs 11am-2pm, contact me if you're interested in the next group, it starts October 26th.
Monday online art class via Zoom. Ongoing, every Monday, 7:30-9pmET. $35
There isn't a public link for this one but you can contact me for the short supply list and link here. I teach you something fun in watercolor or mixed media. It's a low key, jammies kind of class. Right now it's still small so you get more one on one instruction if you want it.
Hope you all have a great week!
Thank you for reading :-)
All of my art and writing is made with human intelligence!
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