Happy Saturday friends!
This week I wanted to talk about how sometimes we get to the point with our therapists, coaches, or in our spiritual work, that we finally start cognitively understanding what has happened to us over our lives. We begin to understand our triggers and why they happen and it seems that society likes to think that this is the end of healing.
Understand what happened to you and you'll be fine.
But if you aren't addressing the body and what the body is still sensing, you're missing an important step.
We peel and peel and peel the onion. Why did this happen? Why did I react in that way? We learn who "they" were and why they did what they did. We learn who we are and why we respond in the way we do. And yet, our heart still stutters, our belly still drops, and we still, unknowingly, brace for impact. Why?
Bessel van der Kolk titled a book after that "why", it's called The Body Keeps the Score. Isn't that the perfect name? We can learn alllll the things, but our body is still keeping the score of what happened to us.
It's not just about our brain and the information we can feed it. It's also about the survival part of us, the lizard brain that still jumps when a loud sound startles us, pumps adrenaline to prep us to run.
You can't think your way into safety. You have to feel it, again and again, in pieces small enough that your body doesn't slam the door.
Here at the ranch, a mini donkey or pony doesn't explain safety to you. They offer you a small, repeatable dose—in a breath, a lean, a nuzzle, until, slowly, over time, your body starts to believe that maybe it's okay, maybe it's real, maybe it can allow itself to feel safe in the world.
And I say all this because I am continuing to learn it. Even with my three years of coaching training and ten years of practice with the herd and with clients, I'm still feeling like a babe in the woods when it comes to body literacy. And I may always be. It's not a mastery situation, it's a practice, like meditation or an art practice.
Some people who are walking through my gate are "brain fluent" from years of work but their bodies are still keeping the score. Some haven't had years of work, they are just peering down the typical therapy/coaching path wondering, "Huh, will this help?" They are learning boundaries and self compassion. This is not "behind", it's just a different starting point, not a lesser one.
Both ways have one thing in common, they have learned that connection isn't so safe—being touched, being seen, being met. Maybe they caretake in order to not have to feel it, that's a common one for women.
In 2019 I wrote a blog post called, "Connection Discomfort" where a horse actually told me, "Sit with your connection discomfort." Oh my... Check it out and see if there is anything there that you recognize. For me that was a time of grief and caretaking-as-armor, and I still struggle with both. But when I put down my phone, sit down with the herd, and allow my mind to drift, extraordinary things follow. They help me feel safe. Sweetness the mini donkey comes over and stands next to me, eyes half mast. Just to connect with me. When he eventually leaves, Blu the pony comes over and gently licks my hand, eyes soft. My pony Tori comes and stands directly in front of me, staring into my soul, and my mini donkey Jaffee stops by and drapes his head over my shoulder and blows softly. They tag team me with safety and connection. This is my practice and it helps my frazzled-from-years-of-yuck nervous system to slow, be calm, and learn to feel safe, loved, secure.
I still struggle with doing it daily. I think that's super interesting, I have so many opportunities to heal and I can still only allow the love and safety inside in dribs and drabs. But I am doing it more than I used to.
Wondering how to experience this? You can come for Equine Partnered Coaching, or Equine Partnered Reiki (I've never called it that before but that is, indeed, what it is!), or a Women's Circle. The herd doesn't differentiate, they like to be with us and help us heal. There isn't a certain way they act depending on what I'm offering. They weren't trained to do this work. This is just who they are and they are always excited to see us coming into the pasture. The herd doesn't care if your intellectual brain is fluent in therapy-speak or what happened to you. They just want you to be with them, in the moment, and allow your body to feel.
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This has been a happy week with four new people reaching out with interest in my business and three making appointments, yay! And in case that's not clear, yes, I'm always actively looking for new clients :-)
To that end, I'm offering a free neurofeedback session every time you refer me and that person comes out for an appointment!
If you have worked with me I would love for you to leave a review on my Nextdoor business page. Surprisingly, most of my clients come from Nextdoor. I would never have guessed that posting photos of the farm would have done that, but here we are :-)
Click on this link to get to my page. Then click "Fave" and that will trigger a "Recommend this business" where you can give a review. Thank you!!!
And look! I had the business web address on the back of my car, now I have ordered a big sticker with a list of my services too:
THE RANCH:
Last weekend was spent outdoors in the heat and humdity. I finally found someone selling these lovely native grasses that I've been wanting. Pink Muhly get to be about 3x3' and shoot up seed heads (like a pampas grass) that are pink, giving a cloud effect. It will be a couple of years before that happens but imagine how pretty it will be outside my office window. I had to drive 45 minutes to get them but they were only $5 each and I bought 20!:
That moment after you mow and weed eat, ahhh....:
I also continued work on the big pond bed. It was loads of fun to get that paper down:
It was a little breezy and it kept blowing away, even with rocks on top. I finally had Brad come help me. He unrolled while I watered the paper so it would stick down and then I tractored over my topsoil/compost mix as fast as I could before it could dry and blow away again:
Next time I say I have plans for a big bed, remind me two smaller connecting beds would be just fine too! Will I finally get all my baby plants into the ground this weekend? Fingers crossed!
In the beginning of the year I was worrying to Mom about the state of the world and wondering if she had any words of wisdom. She said, "Love will prevail." I decided to put have it put on a shirt:
Off my back deck is this crazy and beautiful hydrangea. I had no idea they could get so big if left alone. This one must be...12-15' tall. I wonder why the deer don't chomp this one to smithereens?:
Lizard sightings:
The lantana has so many butterflies on it now that we've had some rain:
Little Lucy, watching for deer:
Know what this is? I believe it's from a green tree frog. See the heart?:
The Crepe Myrtles are still going strong. Do I want the driveway lined in them? Will I be cursing my ambition when I'm watering them the first two years? Even with those water gator things, it might be hideous. Maybe I just do a half dozen at a time. But then I'll be watering something out there for two years, well...forever...
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The world seems to be FINALLY getting on board with horses that calm, regulate, and heal humans.
First, watch this little short, you're going to love it! A guy gets breathed on by a horse (after thinking we were all mentally challenged) and suddenly realizes that they are special. So funny and true!
Second, there is a documentary in its screening phase right now, called Rescued Hearts about healing with horses. Check it out. I'm going to order it and watch it this weekend!
I wrote about some Reiki sessions with the herd a few years ago: Reiki with a horse in attendance
And have a few photos, when the clients have agreed to be public. This was taken at my Colorado farm, with Midknight, a beautiful, wise, and elderly Arabian who really loved the work:
And this was in May of this year, the first session for the ponies who promptly looked at me as if to say, "What the hell Food Lady? Why haven't we been doing this all along?":
By the time people come to me, they've often been following me on the socials for a while, maybe reading my Saturday morning newsletter. It can take time to gather courage to try new things :-) And what I offer here usually feels very different than the norm. Sure, you can get reiki, coaching, art classes, neurofeedback, and women's circles in a strip mall but it's rare to find those paired with the calm of a beautiful, rolling hill farm, with a pond view. Even more rare to pair those things with horses. (Ok, neurofeedback doesn't have a horse component but it is in my office at the farm. For everything else—horses are an option).
- Reiki: lying down, eyes closed, receiving
- Coaching: seated or going for a walk, eyes open, present with the herd
- Women's Circle: seated, in community, held by both horses and humans
No matter the circumstance, the herd is doing the same work. They are just meeting people where they are. This isn't taught to them, this is who they are.
Sometimes they are standing close, breathing with you, helping you regulate.
Tori often does what is called in my coaching world "leeching":
Boy that's a look isn't it? :-) It looks like a yawn but it's over and over. In this case, she was standing in front of a women's circle participant, doing this for at least 5 minutes. She helps lift off and shift energy.
And sometimes they stand a bit away and appear to the naked eye, to be doing nothing.
It's never nothing :-)
Want to give it a try?
HOW TO WORK WITH ME
Equine Partnered Coaching! With horses (early morning appointments in the summer), without horses, or online, your choice.
Neurofeedback Train your brain to calm and ease. The most common response I hear about neurofeedback is, "I'm so much less reactive in my life!" It really does smooth out the sharp spikes. Super helpful if your world feels harsh and spiky right now.
Reiki Another way to facilitate relaxation, calm, healing. If the weather is nice, you can choose outside, or outside in the herd (this is an early morning appointment) and of course in my office is always available :-)
And Women's Circles! I've updated my website yet again so read up and then contact me if you want to talk about joining my Women's Circles!
Wednesday Women's Circle has a waiting list, I will add you to it if you'd like. Newer people do indeed get in occasionally, as sometimes the people higher on the list end up with upcoming vacations, too busy at work, or just life is life-ing.
Tuesday Women's Circle, runs 11am—1pm, contact me if you're interested in the next group, it starts in September.
Monday online art class via Zoom. Ongoing, every Monday, 7:30-9pmET. $35 There isn't a public link for this one but you can contact me for the supply list and link here. I teach you something fun in watercolor or mixed media. It's a low key, jammies kind of class. Right now it's small so you get more one on one instruction if you want it.
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Hope you all have a great week!
Thank you for reading :-)
All of my art and writing is made with human intelligence!
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