It's moving time!

Hey everyone!

I've been working on a new website and blog together and it's up and running! All about the Mother Ranch, our crazy animals and funny things that happen over here as well as a new set of videos we are doing, starting with this one of the Rocket with her best friend Finn:

or you can find it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Fvs4sh-zfQ&t=14s


Anyway, I hope you will follow me on over to my new place on the web:

https://www.themotherranch.com/

See you soon!

Julia

 

It’s inside the house, outside on the ranch, honestly, whole chunks of Longmont smell like this now!

You’d think, because we are a legalized state that it would actually be pot creating that smell but nooo…

It’s HEMP. Just growing, in the sunshine, and smelling up the state. For a couple of months I thought it was a skunk (oh stop laughing :-) I’ve never smoked pot, how should I know?)

Then a niggling in the back of my brain from my whitewater kayaking years…a group of kayakers off on the rocks taking a “safety break.” The smell of skunk and Brad telling me they were smoking pot. Huh. Who knew. Why anyone would want to take something that smells like the back end of a skunk and suck it into their lungs is beyond me.

Across the street from us is a 100+ acre hemp farm and to the north and east is another 80+ acres. I was grossed out by the smell at first by I've decided to try to embrace it. It's for CBD and that is such a wonder product for so many. It brings in such huge revenue that we are actually thinking of growing an acre of it next year! It’s already funny smelling around here, might as well make some money on it :-)

Maybe with the hemp money we will put in air conditioning instead of using the evaporative cooler. We could leave the windows closed with a/c and leave the skunky smell outside!

Love to all from the Mother Ranch,

Julia

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Yesterday morning I went out to do chores and found Snickers in raging heat. So, I thought, why not? I put Snickers and Nacho Libre (aka Poppy) together. He bred her twice before I could blink and, in his enthusiasm, fell over backwards after the second time. I could not stop laughing :-)

Snickers is the toughest girl goat we have, queen of the herd. It would not do to breed her to anyone but the manliest goat right? I thought Nacho Libre would fit the bill. Still giggling...

Ranch life is the best.

Love to all from the Mother Ranch,

Julia

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 This horse. He wasn't with us long and he called himself, “Teacher.”

He came to us as a boarder, sad that he had left his mare friend who he was a helper to. She only had one eye and she needed him. He was so worried about her, what will happen to her without him there to watch over her? I told him I didn’t know and how sorry I was that this had happened to him. He didn’t appreciate my platitudes and remained sunk in depression.

4 months went by. Every day I would reach out to him and everyday he either walked away from me or stood passively, uncaring what happened to him. I told him he was safe here. I told him that I hoped that he would be with us until the end but that I didn’t know. I hated telling him that but I wanted to be honest.

September 12th was my 7 year anniversary with my mare Rayn. It’s also my mom’s birthday and the day that my daughter, 4.5 years old at the time, arrived home. There is a lot of emotion around that day, some happy and some sad. My mom is still with us and so is Rayn but my daughter, now 14, isn’t. This is a good thing for all of us, including her, but there is grief there and a lot of healing still to be found.

What I’ve found, within myself, is that I have some connection issues due to my six years with my daughter. Connecting is much harder than it used to be. Years of being punished, or my son or pets being punished, for trying to connect with her has left me feeling a bit leery.

On September 13th, I took brushes to the pasture and brushed out the entire herd, six horses and Sweetness the mini donkey. The last one I brushed was Teacher. I asked if he would like it and he stopped walking, stood still, and allowed me to brush him for awhile. When I was finished I thanked him and walked away. He followed me. Huh. Well, that had never happened before.

I sat on the ground and Teacher came over to me and hung his head over mine. Thinking about the day before, I asked him, “How do I connect more deeply?”

Teacher closed his eyes and said, “Sit with your Connection Discomfort.”

Tears well up. I know I’ve heard this idea of being where you’re at and allowing the pain instead of hiding from it but as my mentor says, “You’ll never forget a lesson a 1,200 pound horse teaches you.” This time I got it.

So, I sat there at Teacher’s feet, crying and allowing.

All of a sudden I noticed that Teacher was missing one front shoe. Quick as a bunny, I whipped my phone out and was texting his owner.

Then stopped.

Oh.

That Connection Discomfort was UNCOMFORTABLE! It didn’t take me long to find a way out of it!

I said to Teacher, “I use busy care taking instead of connecting.”

Teacher said, “Yes, it is how you survived.”

I heard his ocean sounding breath then. He said, “You can learn this, it is possible, I did it. You can move through the pain and the fear, move into it and beyond it. The other side is great joy. I will teach you, that is why I am here.

September 25th. Teacher was moved again. I send him love and light on his journey. I pray that there are others he can help heal. His words send a daily shiver and I will not forget.

I heal my brain by training it to follow a new pathway (instead of the same old rut) by using NeurOptimal Neurofeedback. I heal my heart by spending time with my horses and goats.

Love to all from the Mother Ranch,

Julia

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Thank you for your generosity!

We’re grateful to those in the Mother Ranch community who donated in 2018 to my work with special needs families—particularly families who have children with Developmental Trauma Disorder also known as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD.) Because of your generous donations we were able to provide nearly 100 low or no cost Gestalt coaching sessions to families who are financially tapped out due to this mental illness. We also held a RAD Mom Summer Camp Retreat in July for six moms—4 of which were able to attend because of the generosity of donors.

In 2019 we’d like to double those low or no cost coaching sessions for RAD families to 200 and hold 3 retreats for RAD moms. The retreats are 3 days long and held at the ranch. Included in each retreat: an ice breaking, giggling goat yoga class on the first day; a massage for each mom, daily group coaching with the horses facilitated by me; a group transformational breathwork session; all meals; and of course plenty of free time to enjoy each other, nap in the hammocks, or create some art in our big sunny art room. Lodging is camping onsite or nearby hotels. It’s a very special time for these moms, respite from a hard life with children who are emotionally and often physically abusive to their families.

If you are searching for a non-profit to donate to, look no further. Whether it’s for November 27th “Giving Tuesday” or an end of year donation, your tax deductible donation will be put to good use. Every dollar counts!

In 2017 we were  approved for fiscal sponsorship by Spirit Horse Alliance. They are considered an "umbrella non-profit" where people can donate to my work through them, they hold the non-profit status for me. They take 10% and everything else goes to helping RAD families.

Your donation will be to The White Horse Whispers, this is my original business name and the one still used for all of my work with RAD families.

Click here and donate to help more families in 2019!

Flashbacks and PTSD in RAD Moms

My son and I are fans of Dwayne Johnson although for distinctly different reasons ;-) We all went to see his newest movie called Skyscraper. All is well in my world, I'm happy, healthy, and I'm enjoying a movie in a cool theater on a hot summer day. Skyscraper is exactly what I expected from the trailer and I'm enjoying the fun. 

And then.

The movie was nearing the end. Dwayne Johnson, who plays a father named Will, and his daughter Georgia are caught at the very top of a burning skyscraper. He has pretty much moved mountains to get to his family who were caught in the inferno. He's managed to get his wife and son out of the building. But now, here he is, at the very tip top, fire surrounding them both. They're sitting on the floor, daughter between his knees and his arms wrapped around her. There is nowhere to go, end of the line. Holding her tight and kissing the top of her head, he says something along the lines of, "I'm sorry."

Cue unexpected PTSD flashback.

It's 2015. My daughter with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) has been home for 6 years. My son and I are shells of our former selves and Brad and I fight every day. Brad and I are soul mates. We rarely fight. The occasional argument or disagreement but we don't scream at each other. Ever. We've been together many life times and we've pretty much got it down to a science. Boy has that changed.

Our 8 year old son is extremely depressed and is being forced (unbeknownst to us) into a teeny-tiny life by our daughter. 

We live in a domestic violence household except it's our 10 year old daughter who is the abuser. 

No one believes me.

(You can scroll on down to see all kinds of posts about RAD but this sums it up fairly quickly.)

I've tried everything I can think of to help her and even learned new and unusual ways of living life with her--always trying to help her heal. Some things will work for a short time. Some things make her worse. Still I try.

I tell myself, "I will never give up."

And yet...

Here I am, sitting on top of a skyscraper, my son in my arms, no where to go and the world on fire around me. 

Always I am in protection mode but as much as I am always, always "on" and head on a swivel, it is never enough to protect my family 100%. The abuse that is heaped on myself and those I love just flattens me.

There is nowhere for my daughter to go that will help her and that we can afford.

Divorcing the love of my life and taking our son with me wouldn't fix it--Brad doesn't believe that our daughter is a danger. If we split he will believe her lies and not protect our son from her abuse when they are at his house.

Suicide? In the back of my mind, but in reality, nope. There is no way I will leave my son with no protection.

Nothing can be done and no one believes me. I am helpless and hopeless. 

And so, eyes wide and full of fear at the raging inferno that no one else will see, I sit with my son wrapped in my arms, kiss his head and whisper, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I snap back. I'm sitting in the movie theater in July 2018. We are all safe: my husband and I have come through and are stronger than ever, my son is thriving, I am thriving, and my daughter is doing well in her home. I'm ok. I breathe in a deep breath. Blink. Touch my arms to my son's on my right and Brad's on my left. Breathe. In and out. I am right here. Safe right now. I feel my feet on the recliner and wiggle them around. I feel my skin touching my loved ones. I feel my breath. The movie comes back into focus. I'm here, in this moment. That was two and a half years ago. 

Nowadays, this doesn't happen very often and the length of time gets shorter as I learn to pull myself back into my body. I'm able to process what happened a little more each time, to put more words and feelings into the experience instead of sitting in stunned silence. Healing isn't a linear process but instead seems to jump around. I don't mind, I'm just glad there is movement! 

So, why do I tell you all this? Because RAD moms are often diagnosed with PTSD. Flashbacks can happen and it's okay to give yourself a break--whatever emotions you have about them are normal. AND also know, you aren't broken. You aren't damaged for life. You can heal. 

In the RAD Mom Summer Camp retreat in early July (a 3 day, all inclusive, healing retreat held at my ranch in Colorado, specifically for RAD moms) one of the shifts was from believing, "I will never get back to who I was before this trauma." to, "I am healing and becoming a new and better version of myself." 

Hi, I'm Julia and I'm a trauma-informed certified Equine Gestalt Coach, artist of 30 years, and Reiki Master. I combine my skills to create an individualized care plan for each client. As an adoptive mother of two (one with Reactive Attachment Disorder and one "glass child"), I am intimately familiar with the trials and tribulations RAD moms and their glass children face as they navigate the muddy waters of life with a mentally ill child. While I see many types of people in my practice, my heart and my specialty is the health and healing of RAD moms and their glass children. Learn more at The Mother Ranch.

If you have a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder in your home and are feeling scared and alone, please join the facebook group called The Underground World of RAD. I am the admin/moderator, there are a few questions to answer and then you'll be added, lifted up, supported, and believed. 

Co-active coaching and the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method

One of the interesting things about the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method (EGC or EGCM) is that the style of coaching is different than some. It's called "co-active" and what that means is that I believe every client already has all of his/her answers lying within but often out of conscious awareness. One of my jobs is to assist my clients in finding their own answers.

Advice is easy to come by don't you think? It comes from all corners and we often feel bombarded by what other people think we should do. But really, how often does, "I think you should_____." feel good and true in our own bodies? There is sometimes an internal, "nope" feeling when we are given advice--it just doesn't fit. 

Every so often we end up at a place in life that is scary and uncertain. We feel desperate for answers and turn to friends and family to help us find them. That's when the "shoulds" start flying. Maybe we're desperate enough to try anything and we pick up a few shoulds, dust them off and try them on for size, "I don't know what else to do, maybe this will work." Even when desperate it can be difficult for us to implement the advice and have it make a positive difference in our lives--because it's not coming from within. 

Making assumptions that our stories are the same and that my way will work for you is a recipe for disaster and disconnection. 

So, what does all this mean? It means that I don't "fix" my clients. Instead, the horses, client, and I work together and find ways to tap into their internal wisdom (we all have it!) which is where we find the way through any situation or trauma we've endured. Through greater awareness, self-compassion, and Gestalt methodology we are able to find healing.